Counter-Intuitive Victim Behaviors

The power and control abusers exercise over their victims explains why so many victims behave in ways that others may not understand, including remaining with their abusers and recanting. These behaviors, which can be confusing and even frustrating, especially to people trying to help the victim, are frequently called “counter-intuitive” victim behaviors.

Example Counter-Intuitive Victim Behaviors

Common counter-intuitive victim behaviors include but are not limited to:

1. 1. 1. Not fighting back
      2. Not calling out for help
      3. Not reporting their abuse to police
      4. If the victim discloses to anyone, telling only close friends or family
      5. If the victim reports at all, not telling the police everything that happened
      6. Denying anything happened at all
      7. Minimizing what happened
      8. Recanting what happened
      9. Remaining with their abuser
      10. Secretly speaking with or meeting up with their abuser
      11. Conspiring with the abuser
      12. Asking prosecutors to drop the case
      13. Refusing to speak with prosecutors
      14. Avoiding subpoenas and testimony
      15. Illegitimately accusing prosecutors of bias or misconduct
      16. Acting abusive toward the victim advocate, prosecutor, and anyone related to the prosecution
      17. Attempting to remove no-contact provisions of a protection order

Explaining Counter-Intuitive Behaviors

Judges, juries, and the public may view these behaviors as evidence the victim is “crazy,” lying, or other pejoratives. It is your job as a prosecutor to understand these dynamics in general and to identify them at work in your cases. It is also your responsibility to educate others when seeking justice in and out of the courtroom. Carefully crafted voir dire questions and DV experts can help you educate juries at trial about these dynamics.

Fear of the Offender

Do not underestimate the fear a victim can experience in a domestic violence relationship. As part of power and control, many abusers threaten victims and their families, sometime longer before police ever get involved. A victim who reports domestic violence to law enforcement may soon remember their abuser’s threats and experience an overwhelming fear—terror—that the offender will kill them or a loved one when the offender is released from jail.

Further, even if the abuser is arrested, the victim may have witnessed other occasions in which the victim’s prior reports did not succeed in preventing further violence. In fact, a victim of domestic violence often express a belief that their abuser is invulnerable and untouchable and that nothing will stop them, not even law enforcement or the justice system. This is one of the reasons why so many victims continue to engage with offenders after reporting those offenders: victims know reporting isn’t the end of the story for them and that the justice system will not protect them. Rather than rely on the justice system, victims learn to rely on themselves, which often involves recanting and other counter-intuitive behaviors that undermine prosecution of cases.

Dependency on the Offender

Abusers learn to isolate the victim and eliminate their independence. A victim who has been isolated from friends and family and who relies on the abuser for income or support, perhaps of a child, is particularly vulnerable to domestic violence. Dependency makes it almost rational for the victim to stay with their abuser. In response to a detective’s entreaties to remain a part of the case, one uncooperative but honest DV victim told the detective: “He doesn’t beat me every day, but I do need him to help take care of my kids every day.”

Love or Compassion for the Offender

Domestic violence is not committed by people unfamiliar with each other. It is committed by offenders in intimate relationships with their victims, and there’s usually a reason the victim loves the offender. “I just wanted him to stop. I didn’t want to ruin his life.” is a common refrain from victims who express regret once law enforcement gets involved. Victims, fearful of the effect of reporting DV on their loved one, may not report or, if they do, may minimize or event recant once they learn the offender will be arrested.

Shame and Embarrassment

Domestic violence is humiliating. Victims frequently hide signs of their abuse, from covering up bruises with makeup and baggy clothes to fabricating stories to their doctors to explain their injuries. This in turn tends to further isolate victims from their support systems, making them even more dependent on their abuser and vulnerable to control. No one wants to talk about the humiliating things an abuser has done to them. But offenders don’t stop there. Offenders also intentionally humiliate victims, whether it’s calling them degrading names or dehumanizing them physically, sexually, and emotionally. Humiliating a victim instills in the victim a sense of inferiority to the abuser. This is not only emotionally satisfying for the abuser, it further isolates the victim and increases the victim’s compliance.

Exploiting a Victim’s Vulnerabilities

Offenders frequently exploit a victim’s fears and vulnerabilities. An offender might threaten to tell the police about a victim’s drug use, threaten to report the victim to immigration authorities, or threaten take away the victim’s child. An abuser might take the victim’s phone or car keys, withhold drugs, or even threaten suicide. Because abusers are intimate relationships with their victims, they know just the right buttons to press to compel the victim to do what the abuser wants.

Intersectional and Social Factors

There are many reasons why victims might behave in counter-intuitive ways. Some victims might not report if they distrust law enforcement. Someone who is undocumented might not report if they fear detection and immigration consequences. Some victims may not report or cooperate because they or their family believe domestic violence is a private, family matter. Men who experience domestic violence may not report because of embarrassment or stigma. LGBTQIA victims may not report for distrust of police or fear of outing themselves or their abuser. Women might not report or seek prosecution of their abuser’s because they lack the resources to move out of the home or take care of their child. Those from outside of this country might not report or cooperate because they may face consequences in their home country if they do. The reasons are as varied as people themselves.